They always said that life would be a constant struggle, but no one ever told me that it would be this hard. Nobody ever said that all the smiles are equated with tears and that sometimes, some hurdles will be so high, that it'll seem almost impossible to jump over them. People told me that university will be the best three years of my life, but I'd do anything to relive my college years over and over again. People also said 3rd year isn't as tough as the first two years in uni, but for me, 3rd year is double the hardship and triple the stress of the first two years. Exam period; and cue depression mode and lovespot season.
But soon inshaAllah, this year is about to end.
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As this moment nears; and as another journey begins to end, I feel afraid to step out into the world. The real world. I live between hope and fear. As contradictory as it may appear to be, it seems logical to me: fear that I won't be able to achieve all that I want, but hope that I'll overcome these hardships and come out much stronger.
Someone pointed out to me that I secure myself within a 'box'. A box where I've selectively placed all my hopes, dreams, fears and people. And perhaps that person was right; because I admit that I'm not a fan of change and transition. But to be able to cross this narrow road and get to the other side, I need to accept that change is inevitable and maybe even for the better. So today, I smile and raise my head above it all. Here's to change.
One final exam is fast approaching and the concept of revision scares me. But I know, that if you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail. And not long ago, I was the one claiming that failure isn't in my dictionary, it's not even an option.
I'm gonna give this one last shot. I'm gonna load this gun and then fire these bullets straight at my target. I'm gonna try my best.
"Tie your camel, and leave the rest to Allah (swt)."
