12.09.16

You know when people say time heals? It's the most superficial line ever that people think is comforting. 

5 years tomorrow. 5 years to the exact day I lost you. The days are flying by and it still seems like only yesterday that I had you by my side, advising me about what to do; still seems like just the other day you were laughing at me because I found law cases funny whilst I was revising; seems like it was yesterday you were taking the mick because I was making my room even more pink than it already was. 

It's Eid Ul Adha tomorrow. Earlier on in the year, people were saying Eid may fall on 9/11 but when it was confirmed it's on the 12th, I felt so numb. How can we celebrate on the same day our hearts broke into a million pieces? And every other Eid, it's like how can we celebrate, without you here? 

Time doesn't heal. Time just gives you another day to get on with the same pain and the same heartbreak.

Reminded.

How does time pass us by so quick? 

I came across something that reminded me of some of our precious times. I came home after graduation and you were there waiting for me. I said I'm going to have a quick shower and then we all sat down looking through the professional pictures and deciding which ones to order. We picked the best ones out of the bunch and I kept them aside. 

Fast forward a few weeks and I knew they were about to be delivered soon. When I used to pop home on my own for a few hours, I used to sit by the door waiting for the post but it didn't come then. 

And then one of the first nights after I came back home, I didn't care anymore. I didn't even want the photos. 

The morning that it came, Mum opened the door for the delivery man and got the box up to my room. I stayed in bed and pretended to sleep a little longer until Mum came in and actually woke me up and pointed to the box. 

I closed my eyes again and pretended not to see it properly. I didn't want to open it. Not without you. I didn't want to see the photos, knowing you'd never be able to see them with me. It still shatters my heart everytime I see one of the photos or when I see the box again.

Maybe one day, we can talk about this memory once again. Maybe one day, when Allah (swt) reunites us in Jannah. ❤️ 

Dreams.

"Don't worry." 

& even after all this time, it's like you're still with us. ❤️