One of the greatest gifts you can bestow upon another:

If someone is in need, lend them a helping hand. Do not wait for a thank you. True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return.

Absence.

The Apprentice started again today and as we sat down to watch it, my little brother and i felt the presence of Mama that was greatly missing. He looked at me and said "it's gonna be boring" to which i replied, "why?" and my brother just kinda went silent. I said "it's coz Mama's not here innit?" and he just silently nodded.

I miss these times when Mama would come over and we'd watch shows. With Apprentice, we'd guess who would get fired each time and who would win. Even if Mama wasn't watching it in our house, we'd text each other. And then we'd laugh and talk about the silly things that happened..

We miss it all.

A new road.

This time last year, i passed my driving test. I still remember every single moment of the day, from the time i woke up and got ready. Only Mum knew, but i remember telling Nani to make dua for me and that i have an important 'test' today.

Allah [swt] answered a lot of people's duas that day. I remember how nervous i was and how Bhaiya tried to calm me down. I remember Bhaiya waiting for me at the end of the test. I remember my exact reaction and tears when i heard the man say that i passed. I remember calling my friends and family on the way back, i remember how Dad waited for me to come home just to see me and give me a hug before he even left for work. I remember Mama and Yasin coming over, and all the mishti's that we ate and gave out.

Alhamdulillah.

I'm glad my Mama saw me pass before Allah took him away. I remember the countless times he told me to take a test, and then 5 attempts later, i finally passed. I'm glad that he saw both me and Yasin pass, because he doesn't need to worry about who's going to be able to take Nani to the doctors and hospitals and stuff. Me and Yasin are here.

A new road opened. And i'm still on the journey.

07/04/09

They said to write about something happy for once and so i tried, I put pen to paper but i realised the ink had already dried.

I'm slacking, wondering how i became so weak, coz i thought i found the happiness that i once began to seek.

It was the one thing that was constantly a thought at the back of my head, so i decided to count my blessings once again instead.

And i ran out of fingers to count on. And i ran out of paper to write on.

But i forgot one of the most important things, it was to thank the One who put the wind beneath my wings;

the One who lifted me up from the ground, He was the One who gave me a chance to turn my life around.

And as i'm reminded of the thousand and one reasons i have to smile, today another reason has just been added to the pile.

Forever Friends.

This is a story about the moments that passed; the moments you mentioned and said they never really last. I'm sitting in the lecture hall, reminiscing about them times, when i sat in the corner back at school, writing these friendship rhymes. I guess now it's the biggest test, to see if those words come true, the test of true friendship between me and you.

So let's go back to the moments that you said had gone; the moments when we were side by side and our friendship had shone. When the light of our friendship was binded by the closeness, that kinda friendship was the best, even i must confess. The type where we'd see one another each and every day, what's happened to that bond; where's that friendship gone today?

Just close your eyes and think, you'll see our friendship's just as strong, just think and you'll see how this bond has lasted so long. This friendship; this sisterhood, has stood the test of time, it's gone through the tests of distance, now tell me can't you see its shine?

There are times when distance gets the better of us, there are times when we'll slack, there'll be the odd occassion we'll miss that we can't get back. But just close your eyes and think, you'll realise distance can only bring us closer, just think, there's a saying: "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

 

[Time may pass, people may move on, things may change... but always, Friends Forever]

Weak.

May 2010.

When I fall weak, remind me Ya Rabb, that strength comes from You, so I should seek You.

When I lose myself, remind me that light comes from You alone, and I should call on You.

When my plans fail me, Ya Rabb, remind me that Your plans are the best of plans, for verily You are the best of all Planners.

When tears fall from my eyes, remind me that only You are worthy of my cries, and while You count every tear, only with You by my side I can conquer these fears.

When I seek knowledge, remind me that You are the Provider and only You can increase me in knowledge.

When I fall weak and I'm down on my knees, remind me Ya Rabbul al-Amin, that I am in the best position to bow my head down to You and remind me that while I may be far from the Dunya, I'm only closest to You.

Ameen.

Test.

August 2010.

I feel a little sad to see the days of Ramadan just pass me by. And I feel sadder because I feel there's so much more for me to learn that I'm not learning; and so much more for me to do that I'm not doing. I now realise how true it is that with growing up comes responsibilities. I now understand why, when we were so young and would so naively say 'I can't wait to grow up', that our parents would reply 'no you don't'. With work taking up a lot of my time, it saddens me to know that I can't spend as much time with my prayers or my Qur'an as I'd like to. Throughout these years; and particularly throughout the last few Ramadans, I've felt a change in myself where my understanding of the Deen has allowed me to fulfil some personal goals. Alhamdulillah; I'd like to think I've learnt and achieved a lot. There's still so much more that I'm aiming for and I hope time allows me to do so. Faith is essential to find success but faith is like a little plant - it needs love; care and maintainance. And I pray to the Greatest, to give me the strength to maintain my faith.

Faith.

Every now and then, our dreams get broken and hope fails us. The things we wish for don’t come true and it’s just about enough to kill the faith in us. When we’re pushed to tears and forced down so many times, it gets easier to drown in the words: “I give up”. But we should never give up. There are some things in life worth achieving and all these obstacles that come in your way are the tests of life. They are the hardest tests one may encounter but the result is beyond words. If your heart beats fast enough for it, you should breathe hard enough for it. While you think how tough this journey is, take a look at what you do have in your arms and you’ll see you have a lot to appreciate. When things don’t go your way, don’t look on the downside. Try and get yourself back up and push those doors open. Options are endless; you just got to find the right one. Make your own way through and leave footprints carved deep, coz one day someone else might be in the same position. Someone else may too need inspiration. Always count your blessings for what you’ve got; it’s never too late to appreciate. Be happy and smile, everything happens for a reason. And no matter what you do, you can’t change it, you just got to handle the situation the best way possible and keep going on. There’s one thing we must maintain, one thing we must feed and one thing we must grow – faith.

What Would It Be Like?

Sometimes i sit and i wonder how it would be, if you were here next to me.

What would we be doing, just sitting together and sharing?

Would you be telling me jokes, would i be laughing, or would you be telling me stories, would i be crying?

Time would be passing and things will be changing, but the bond between us forever remaining.

If i cried, you'd wipe my tears, if you were scared, i'd comfort your fears.

Sometimes i look out at the sky and i wish you were here, then everyone would've been happy and things would've been clear.

Things wouldn't have gone wrong, and nobody would cry,

if you were still here and didn't die.

I wouldn't miss you, coz you'd be by my side,

i'd never stop smiling and my eyes wouldn't have cried.

I guess i need you, i guess we all do, coz a foundation of love and trust was built on you.

And even though you went so long ago, the memories i have of you will never go.

People say i was too young to remember, but the times we shared, i'll treasure forever.

I might not see you, hear you or feel you, but i know you're with me, whatever i do.

We might be miles apart, but you're forever kept in my heart,

The Three Musketeers.

You know how they say opposites attract? It's true. The three of us - three personalities world's apart. But together, each holding a different colour crayon, colouring in the memories of lifetimes together... :)

I'm missing the times when we were all young, and everything was simple. When we didn't have to make decisions for ourselves, when our Mum's told us what we should and shouldn't do. When we'd do something wrong, and it would still be okay again the next day. I miss the Fruit Festivals every year and i miss the theme park outings every summer. I miss the Eids when we used to run around in our suits (and break frames) and then blame each other. I miss the sleepovers and the notes we used to write and the secrets we used to share. I miss the times when we used to dance around listening to Blue. I miss writing in our books and sticking those posters with hearts all over. I miss the days when we'd wake up and just go out and come home late and get into trouble. I miss chatting on the phone for hours and hours every single day without getting bored. I miss the good old days, and i miss the 2/3 of me...

Time flies when you're having fun, so where did the the last few years disappear to? Too much happened and so much changed, and deep inside we all know who and what's to blame. I don't regret all the choices we made, i regret choosing to let the memories fade. But i'm not ready to grow up just yet, and these times are just too good to forget.

Laugh, coz all of our jokes are still funny.
Cry, coz we still get in trouble.
Forgive, coz life is too short to hold grudges.
Forget, coz the bad stuff ain't worth remembering.
Smile, coz we got a lot to smile about.

Why.

They say it takes time, and my pain will heal but i miss you even more as the days go by.

No one knows and no one understands; i was just a little girl, naive to their eyes.

We used to sit by the stairs and he'd make me laugh,

we used to eat grapes and a problem shared was a problem halved.

Why the world took him away from me, I still don't know,

all they told me was that it was his time to go.

I wiped a tear and said okay,

and Mum told me i can see him again another day.

So i walked back to the room and held onto my Dad,

thinking about the good times together we had.

Dad held me tight and told me not to cry

but i couldn't help it as i kept asking why...

They all told me i'll understand when im a lil older,

so i waited for the years to pass and i got a lil wiser...

So why don't i still understand why i lose all the things that mean so much to me?

Why can't things just go back to the way they used to be?

These questions remain unanswered but you're still the one i need,

the one who will strengthen me as my heart bleeds.

Until that day comes when i'll understand the reason i had to say goodbye,

until that day i'll forever be wondering why...

Blessing.

For a while, the days leading upto our Umrah, although i was so happy, inside i couldn't help but feel as though i didn't deserve to go. Yet Allah [swt] still had an invitation for me. And it was by His Mercy that i had the bestest 8 days of my life ever.

When you lay your eyes on the Ka'ba for the first time ever in your life, subhanAllah it is by far the most amazing feeling and the greatest blessing ever. Seeing the Ka'ba in pictures or on the television just isn't the same. People say you cry, but until you experience it yourself, you never know the reasons why.

As we walked down the path leading to the stairs in the Holy Mosque, as the Ka'ba slowly came into full view before my very eyes, Alhamdulillah that feeling inside is just indescribeable. When i first saw the Ka'ba, i cried. I cried out of happiness. Out of sadness. Out of seeking forgiveness. Out of awe and so much more. That feeling stayed with me throughout our whole Umrah and for the rest of the trip, subhanAllah.

There's nothing more i want right now than to be back in Makkah.

6 months.

This time 6 months ago, i never knew that i had less than 24 hours with you. I never knew that Allah [swt] would be calling you. I never knew that i was about to lose a very big and so precious part of my life and my heart.

Not a day or night passes when you aren't in my thoughts and in my prayers. May your soul be at peace as it rests in Jannah, close to Allah [swt], inshaAllah.

So much love & so many dua's all for you Mama, eternally.